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Movin’ On

twilight

I’m fascinated by ghosts. Now, I’m not here to debate their existence, or if the spirits of our dead ancestors are dwelling in our midst. Frankly, I know where each of you stands on the issue. Let me restate my comment… I’m fascinated by the lore of ghosts.

I wrote a blog in another lifetime ago speaking of being haunted. It wasn’t by etherial specters, but rather by the brokenness of memories of sin, loss and regret. When one speaks of the legend of why a ghost might stay in the in-between it is usually because they are not ready to move on. There is something pulling them back, anchoring them to that existence, not allowing them to be free to explore the great beyond for all of it’s horrifically brilliant unknownness. An anchor that weighs them down to a existence that they are not designed for. It’s not life, it’s not the beyond. It’s a place of frantic in-between, a realm of quiet desperation. They are just not ready to move on.

I’m fascinated by ghosts, because many times I believe myself to be one.

Now I don’t go running around the neighborhood under a white bedsheet with poorly cut holes for eyes and rattling chains, but I do allow myself an anchor into a place that is between mortality and freedom. I do allow myself to be lost in a landscape of quiet desperation. And I know exactly why I do this to myself. It’s not because I have lost my mind. It’s much worse…

It’s because I have lost my two minds.

Having two minds is the anchor that keeps us from being all that Christ wants for us in this world. I want to follow Him fully. I want to do my own thing. I want to love unconditionally. I want to make others work for my love. I want to pray and seek God and give generously. I want to sleep in and seek pleasure and horde mercilessly. I want to do these all! And all at the same time.

What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death?

And so I haunt this in-between purgatory. I float in and out of peoples lives un-touching, unreal and unnoticed. I bring a chill instead of warmth. I bring goosebumps instead of peace. I am unnatural to a creation that was originally intended for intimacy with it’s Creator. My both minds are at war with each other and they both have gone mad.

Now don’t get me wrong. Madness can be fun sometimes.

Madness can be bloody brilliant sometimes!

But it’s no way to live a long term life.

That the first thing us mad people must come to terms with. While there is a uniqueness and wildness about us, so is there a longing for someone to take our hands and say, “C’mon, crazy. Let me show you the way to go. Follow me”

And that’s what He does. Takes us by the hand and and says, “follow me”. And then we realize we are no longer ghosts in a place we don’t belong. We have found our place and it’s in His Kingdom. And we no longer have two minds. We have one. But it’s neither of the two we had before.

It’s His.

We have moved on.

I’m so ready to move on.

Wanna come?

Romans 7: 21-8:2, “ So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature[c] a slave to the law of sin. Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you[d] free from the law of sin and death.

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