Listen!

  I sat down yesterday to write this blog. It shouldn’t have been a problem. I had the time all carved out. I had done my exercising for the day. I had done my quiet time, my Bible reading, my prayer time. I had spent quality time already with each of my kids, my wife and even myself. I knew what I wanted to write and had the entire thing outlined in my head. I sat in a comfortable (but not too comfortable) chair at my favorite coffee shop. I even had a delicious Everything Bagel toasted with veggie cream cheese (“dragged it through the garden” my server had proclaimed).

And as Spongebob so concisely proclaimed, “I’M READY!”

It was perfect!

I was going to write an amazing blog in 3…2….1…

Annnnd nothing…

It’s not like I couldn’t write. It’s not like I couldn’t have forced myself to start typing. Sometimes that is the best thing to do. Sit your butt down and start tap-dancing those fingers across the keys. Sometimes that is the best decision you can make.

…and sometimes you’re missing something that needs to be addressed.

So I left. I walked the streets. I had a delicious Thai lunch. I went to Starbucks, got my computer out and….

…nothing.

My muse simply wasn’t there. It probably got a delicious Mocha latte and slipped out the back door while I was trying to overhear the conversation of the Hipster on a Tinder date. But for whatever reason I just wasn’t feeling it. Cheap excuse? Probably. I kept getting the nagging feeling that something vital was missing. There was still something that I needed to do.

So I took another walk in the snow, and BAM!   Smacked right into it.

It kinda hurt!

There it was! It was exactly what I was missing. However, up until then I couldn’t put my finger on it. It stood standing there looking awesome in the snow. I knew what I needed to do before I could write my blog…

…one thing I had forgotten to do.

…I needed to listen.

Now this might sound silly to you, but it’s a huge thing in my life right now. You see, I’m in the “Land Between”. I’m in that place where one of two things (sometimes both) are a constant threat to my survival, as is with all in the Land Between…

Being Stuck….

and

Wandering aimless…

All that is for another blog. For now, know that with all who find themselves in the Land Between, we see our biggest goal in life as how to GET THE HECK OUT OF HERE!!!!   Seriously! The sooner the better! We pray that tomorrow we’ll wake up and find we are in our purpose. The Doldrums and the Breaks are behind us. It’s time for the main course.

However the Land Between has its purpose and it’s usually the place where we learn those lessons that we will never voluntarily learn, given the choice. For me, that lesson is quite simple. For me, I’m learning how to listen.

Do you hear me?

So I’m sitting with a mentor talking about my childhood. We talk about some of the spiritual implications that can come as a result of hurts and times of loneliness I think we have all had. I shared about how greatly I value the seasons of choosing to forgive and to understand and to love and to…

“I think you forgot something.”

Ummmm….. no. Forgiveness was #1. Oh, do you mean Love? No, I mentioned that. I checked off the whole list. I’m good.

“No, you’re not listening”

I am too. Look…. Forgiveness, love, understanding.

“No, you don’t understand. You’re not listening”

I hear you. I AM listening to you!

“Not to me. You’re not listening…

..to YOU!”

What?

We began to talk about that little 5-year-old Kevin, sitting alone in the corner. We talk about how there have been times where grown-up Kevin has sat with him in my mind and told him about all the things on my checklist. I’ve told him how important it is to forgive. I told him about how he needs to be strong, and understanding. I told him lots of things, and suddenly realized something I hadn’t before. I was constantly talking.

What I haven’t done was any listening.

Why not?

Why not indeed? Well, I was scared. I was scared of what the 5-year-old understanding would produce. I was afraid of the questions he would ask that I simply could not answer. I was afraid that it would produce sadness… and sadness would lead to bitterness… and bitterness would lead to hate… and hate was the path to the Dark Side… and they wouldn’t have cookies as promised… and I would join the Emperor and end up destroying the Jedi order and ruling the galaxy in an iron grip of fear and pain, and….

Ok, you get the point. So my homework was to take some time to listen. Just listen. No quoting Bible verses. Not exercises of forgiveness…. just listen.

JUST listen.

Guys, I don’t know about you, but for me, that’s HARD!

So I did, and guess what? I heard some amazing things from 5 year old me. Some DEEP things. It didn’t cause me to switch my lightsaber color to red. But it did open a world to me that I’ve been ignoring. I began thinking about ways we listen to God, how we listen to the Holy Spirit speaking through the Bible and to our hearts. I evaluated the ways I listen to my wife, my friends, my spiritual mentors, my kids, my thoughts, even my therapist… and then I realized something:

I don’t listen well!

I hear. I take notes. I read and blog and go to seminars and sermons and read chunks of scripture and….

and I don’t listen!

This time in the Land Between has one very important theme for me. That theme is this…

It’s time to learn how to listen.

Part of our calling to be a leader to kids is knowing how to be a good listener. But we don’t have a chance of an effective ministry if we don’t first grasp hold of how to do it in our own relationship with God, our families, and even ourselves. It’s a skill that grows out of intention. I’ve always sought to listen to God, of course, but now I’m also listening to those who God has put around me, and even the man God is making me. It’s my new skill.

I listen.

At least I’m learning.

So yesterday I walked and I listened. I prayed and I listened. I breathed and I listened. I didn’t rush to write. I didn’t grab my notebook and scribble notes. I listened…

…and it all spilled out. My anxiety, my hurt, my hopes, my deep optimism, my faith that was so much more than the sum of my striving. It was all there, all waiting for someone to stop and do one simple thing… to hear it.

We are so anxious to be “doers” of the Word, and not just hearers that we are already on the doorway out. Stop! That part will come if you commit to it. But first, take a deep breath….

Sit down…

… and Listen.